
Austin is growing at an obnoxious rate and will continue to be populated by tasteless Philistine mongrels for decades to come driven by capitalism’s unstoppable march towards a dead gray planet. Fortunately, a sliver of hope still remains. Sophisticated bars in our city combat this scourge by letting their customers pick tunes for the room to enjoy via the jukebox. This wonderful machine democratizes the DJ role and therefore the mood of the room overall. In our ceaselessly digital world, the music choices for a party/bar happen on YouTube or Spotify. At less reputable watering holes there exists another customer driven digital outlet called TouchTunes, an internet jukebox in the form of a kiosk that customers use to search for songs regardless of genre or era. As is the case with the internet at large, the overwhelming amount of choices creates a pain that is constant and sharp. The pain creates a unique panic that makes it easy to choose lowly dog poo songs like Brown Eyed Girl or Moondance without knowing it.
The Ultimate Balanced Democratic music machine is the CD jukeboxes that charge a quarter per song. The patron usually gets to choose between 40 – 50 albums, which sounds overwhelming, but thankfully most of these are unmemorable trash that has not been updated since 1993. The choices will most likely resemble the repertoire of a mid-table wedding band. Expect infomercial compilations (Now That’s What I Call Music VIII®, 70’s Soul Hits®, Teen Years®, etc), Frank Sinatra, Willie Nelson, Beach Boys, Bruce Springsteen, The Eagles, and other chestnuts that invoke deathless drunken singing. They are bullet proof songs on bullet proof albums/collections, so nobody loses when choosing a playlist. At the end of this post I have included a list that should be used as a guide to this outdated hit parade.
My buddy Patrick is similarly fond of these bars and is no slouch fingering the buttons of these gorgeous machines with a fistful of quarters, so he helped me do the research and vet the choices. We went to The Cloak Room, Deep Eddy Cabaret, and Hard Luck Lounge respectively to take photos of each page of the jukebox, drink three beers real quick, and possibly play a game of pool. Then we convened to yammer at one another over what jumped out at us from each plastic page of these oddly well-maintained and challenging CD shuffling machines. I took the Cloak Room since I used to go by myself there in college and Patrick took the Hard Luck Lounge since that is his current solo reflection space. We split Deep Eddy Cabaret in order to compromise and establish a tasteful rapport. I have included the 4 number code from each jukebox so you can just write that down and navigate accordingly with little to no fuss. I feel dirty, but I made a Spotify playlist with all the tunes too. But please… just go to these bars, type in these numbers, and don’t order anything fancy at the bar. This is the first installment of a series of three.
Cloak Room
Bob Marley and The Wailers: I Don’t Want To Wait in (0411)
Frank Sinatra: World On A String (0210)
George Micheal: Freedom ’90 (3004)
Prince: Cream (4506)
Robert Palmer: Addicted to Love (5417)
Boz Scaggs: Lido Shuffle (5909)
Beach Boys: Sloop John B (7307)
Dusty Springfield: Son Of A Preacher Man (9807)
Deep Eddy Cabaret
Beatles: Twist and Shout (9014)
The Flying Burrito Brothers: Lazy Days (5712)
The Rolling Stones: Dead Flowers (2709)
Desmond Dekker: 007 (Shanty Town) (6308)
The Clash: Overpowered by Funk (6607)
Toots & The Maytals: Pomp and Pride (4409)
Prince: Delirious (6903)
Doors: Love Me Two Times (8903)
Hard Luck
Sam + Dave: Soul Man (3701)
Bill Withers: Grandma’s Hands (4903)
Talking Heads: Take Me to the River (6904)
Big Star: When My Baby’s Besides Me (7107)
Howlin’ Wolf: Spoonful (7706)
Tom Waits: Downtown Train (7417)
George Jones: White Lightnin’ (3911)
Cat Stevens: Wild World (3803)











